Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML
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Top comments
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
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Comments (118)
I_am_stupid_also 6
Tell him to hurry to the bathroom before he get his love all over his pants.
TimmyT 1
Your eyes are so blue, like the water in my toilet! You're so hot, you're gonna melt The elastic in my underwear http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/wannaburlovr.html Awesome song, you should see Weird Al sing it live, he dresses like a pimp and crawls over all the women in the audience singing it right in their faces, it's hilarious!
ArtistsSunshine2 0
I was Al's Beef Burrito in concert once...heehee
theshadow013 0
He pointed at me and said I smelled like Fritos! :D
citygirlnomore 0
HAHAHAH i would have laughed so hard if someone said that to me LOL
Omnigeek6 1
Romantic fail.
2npac 0
artistssunshine- wow congratulations u ****** stalker!
sammitysam 0
Mmm.. Hot, wet, steaming luuurve.. Just the way you like it.
XxPLAYMAKERxX 0
How bout my love for you is like busting a nut, I can't hold it in.
Stumblebum30 5
why is this considered a FML?
patticake1601 0
romance and bowel movements, gosh how romantic ♥
solinv 0
aww thats soo sweet :)