Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML
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Top comments
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
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Comments (118)
Otium_fml 3
Ouch, not the best pick-up line... This kinda reminds me of a joke pick-up line my brother told me about: A guy holds a napkin infront of a girl and asks: "Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
Batman4890 0
yeh i have used that was well.... obv i was taking the piss did u ever think he might have been as well? and yeh **** ur life some1s bad at hitting on u...... u shud consider suicide obv not for ur benefit but for myn
hennessey 0
What Weird Al song is this off of?
ArtistsSunshine2 0
Its a Weird Al song called Wanna B Ur Lovr. Its not a parody, its an original song and it has a bunch of cheesy pick up lines in it.
Dr_Diaper 0
Yeah, your life totally ******* sucks. how do you manage to not kill yourself after that happened?
RaidenXS 0
dude that's clever. im taking it
drumhellermd 0
I just completely lost my mind laughing!! hysterical
TheMisplacedEnd 0
If someone said that to me I would find it extremely funny.
lem0n_fml 0
First time I've laughed at an FML in a long time.
jessxoxo28 5
LMAOOO!!!!
Emperor_Jim 0
It's so stupid when women complain about being hit on. Someday you'll be old and fat, and you'll long for the days when random guys would tell you how much they wanted to bang you.
Astrophilia 0
A pick up line like that isn't an expression of lust, it's just IRL trolling. Being told you're like diarrhea isn't flattering in the least, and no old lady would miss being told that.