Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML
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Top comments
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
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Comments (118)
YDI_King 0
YDI for being smelly
rhodium 0
I lol'd cause I know you're a troll. @OP, FYL, but that is pretty funny.
just_me_tmp 0
That doesn't make sense. I'm clearly not a troll- or else I'd be saying stupid stuff like "YDI for being a female, etc..."
dun_dun_dun 0
wtf? #1 a little while ago was just_me_tmp, but now it's YDI_King.
mzmartinez92 0
omg thats a good 1, i bet this was my friend kuz he always says this line to me kuz hes random, hes not gay he just tries to be funny and succeds lol
Spoodler 6
I agree with number 31. Just tell him "it aint gonna happen" in his terms. That either leaves us guys confused or in awe.
_DeadPixels_ 0
So if she wanted to reject him... "My love for you is like constipation, it ain't going to happen"? (I didn't read all the comments... probably already been said =] )
wintamint101 7
lmaoooooo
terranada 3
lol best pick up line ever!!! xD
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
drewbaca 0
whatever i am using it on every woman and patient i have!!! bwah hah ha
paid2think 0
Did u just fart cuz u blew me away!
muppetslover 11
I love that line:) lol
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
InsanePPG 25
I love that song so much! Because of this FML, it's stuck in my head. Thank you, OP.
crazytoaster 2
Yep, I've heard, thought of and tried more original and funny pickup lines. @ OP That is pretty funny.
judoman_fml 0
You must have fallen from heaven that would explain how you messed up your face
NurseAbi 10
smooooooth. I hope you turned him down.
lisaaaar 0
he needs some pepto. ewwwwww :<
Charlina 0
god....
Jimboom 12
Shittiest pickup line ever! But still funny.
just_me_tmp 0
Was this a "no pun intended" comment?
kaengelangeleyes 9
*Ba dum tssss*
greenltrn2003 0
is that it? no "its the only time a guy has approached me" or anything like that? WHO THE HELL IS APPROVING THESE FMLs?
xxdakotaxx 0
You should have said this to him after he said that. "Your love for me is like AIDS, I dont want it."
BB7 0
don't judge people so fast... maybe she wants AIDS!
fredlax9 7
Nice
mawoo_fml 0
your appearance must inspire the thought of ******** violently and without control :)