Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML
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Top comments
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
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Comments (118)
grrrarrrg2 2
Do you suffer from some form of mild retardation? Yea it's a shitty pickup line. (sorry for the pun) But it is by no means an FML. If anything it's something to laugh about.
bsias4ever 0
mild retardation..rofl...says the guy with the name "grrrarrrg2"
Ipreferbroccoli 0
The 2 is funny though. -> "The username grrrarrrg already exists. Possible usernames: grrrarrrg2, grrrarrrgforever, grrrarrrgrox."
Jared900DUmpling 30
Grox is a spore reference
WorkThatButt 2
Got poop? ^.^
ColdGold 6
Then he should make like a cow patty and hit the trail.
theeBeezWaXx 0
haha thats lowkey unique , ive never heard that before but kinda nasty too
schwinn11 0
Atleast he told you and didn't SHOW you how much he loves you
theshadow013 0
Weird Al lyrics FTW! I'd say this isn't a FYL just a really hilarious day.
cheese_danish 0
Either the OP is trying to make an FML from a Weird Al song, or she was hit on someone who thought using a Weird Al line would be funny. Either way, not FML.
Shmeaty 0
this isn't an FML, and the OP sux for whining, but it's still funny as hell an made my day.
Intellectualist 0
I love him. Give him to me, I'll take him off your hands, while you grow a sense of humour.
GodOfBeer 5
if I dedicate this to you... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSykiBcRV14 would u go out with me? :o
Tequilamockngbrd 7
Grow a sense of humor? Sheeesh, that's a bit harsh, isn't it? Just because a person has a DIFFERENT sense of humor doesn't mean they don't have one at all. And there's a good chance OP did think it was funny, which is why she posted it. :] That's just a guess, though.
Rayn4u_fml 0
Simple response: "please do, nobody wants to see that shit". Fin.