Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML
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Top comments
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
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Comments (118)
boatie 0
ew the OP is a butch!
ShaydeStar 0
I see you've met my brother...Punkrocker? Tall? Skinny? Hits on EVERYTHING!?
Mitch1134 0
Thats ******* perfect. sorry though...hahaha
redshortsx 0
that's not an fml. more like I have ******* hilarious story to tell all my friends
rincewind88 0
absolute class.. clearly you were both meant to be together!
Mata_Hari 0
Would you have preferred, "Really love your peaches, I wanna shake your tree." Hmm?
Relentless113 0
any guy who has the balls to use that line, deserves to get some. epic win!
vchaos 0
I would have accepted "My love for you, is like a truck. Berserker."
Lamachicken5 0
Ok what is FYL and @OP?
strawberryspacejam 11
Lamachicken5. FYL=**** Your Life. OP=Offended Person.