Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML
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Top comments
Indiana_fml 4
At least that's a line which will never be overused.
SSC_fml 0
Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)
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Comments (118)
ilikepie789 0
lol im gonna use that line
brianjman14 23
shittiest pick up line ever (no pun intended)
lana1316 0
lmfao sux 4 u! hes a keeper ;)
PurpleAddict 0
Ooh, he seems like a nice guy! Okay, this was by far the grossest, yuckiest, weirdest and stupidest pick up line I've ever heard. No, really. Thumbs up to the guy for creativity, though!
Squinklies 1
Him: "How much does a polar bear weigh?" You: Uh.... Idk.. Him: Enough to break this ice, baby." As far as pickup lines go, it could've been worse ;).
idiotbox44 5
that person is one smooth sailer
lilobennett 0
it's a line from a weird al yankovic song, I think it's call I wanna be ur lover
thehillhaseyes8 2
lol :)
GagaForGaga103 1
some guy trying to flirt with me came up with a pick up line like that. he said," Can I chill with for a while until the smell of my fart goes away in my old spot?" I thought he was trying to funny but I found out later that that was his pick up line...
js3426 0
would if he said: my penis has been calling your name all day