Ah, young love…

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

Not so anal retentive then…

Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

Nailed it

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

Snoozefest

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

Bad sign

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML