Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists, and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML
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Top comments
Queensland 27
Get back at her by eating her garden, taking down all pictures of Jesus and hitting on all of her daughters.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You should tell her that ignorant bitches will go down first when you take over the world, so she better watch out
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Comments (59)
alexsandria83 18
Actually there are one type of people ruining the world and they are close minded douche bags
RonnieG 10
you should have told her "well, I think pretentious middle aged house wives are ruining the world but I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree."
AGuyNamedI 7
It takes more courage to be who you are, and not who everyone thinks you should be. Your moral precepts are not bound by what society says, but what you feel and believe. A female vegetarian atheist homosexual. Lebanese are awesome, but morally stringent. You've got a difficult life. Stay strong.
Chinman05 4
All those people are "made in America" rarely would you find anyone else with such a sick way of thinking. That's gross and I so agree with the friends mom. Im sick of you pigs.
xheathaax 3
Honestly you should have watch the news. She would know that religion is taking part of ruining the world. It's religions fault that being gay is shunned upon. Why? Because government and the bible are supposed to be separate but they aren't. Religion also has caused war and many another things. People can be religious but they take it too far. Homosexuality has no affect on anyone, but people make it a big deal and cause fights and riots over it. Gay people get beat and killed from non gays and religious people. So who's really ruining the wold?
jwebster 8
I don't mind people being gay. But vegetarians and atheists ARE ruining the world. By being too pushy about it. If you don't eat meat or believe in God, that is your belief. Stop telling people that they are wrong to be different than you.
Schiffy 18
Then tell her that a gay atheist vegetarian will rule the world.