Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
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Top comments
Selphis 20
Just go... they'll stop listening soon enough ;-)
greenfishbait 19
You have to do what you have to do!
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Comments (72)
CharresBarkrey 16
OP is a female.
Ms_ValS 27
You poor thing. Can't even get privacy in the toilet. That's just the worst.
ThtAwkwardMoment 5
I wish I was in your position... I would shit with door open and let loose the most unholy crap ever.
mbuck87 19
Noooo you wouldn't
simplysarcastics 26
I used to be a little timid and couldn't use the dorm bathroom if other girls were in there with me. But then everyone else freely let it go when they went so I realized you can't help it, and just said it doesn't matter they get bathroom issues too. One thing that helped was if my stomach gave me a whole lot of trouble, I would flush while on the stool it quieted the noise. And if someone truly has to tune into your explosive diarrhea then they need a life, everyone has to poop and you should be able to freely do it in your house.
Not_Impressed13 9
Crank the tunes and let loose!
juwood 7
You just need to conjure some way of distracting their attention to the back yard or something else outside.
perdix 31
Bombs away! And exaggerate your moans and groans to run off the free-loaders staying at your place. Tell your roommate that you are not running a homeless shelter and your guests can stay in a goddamn hotel like normal people would !
Omersangel 3
Just blow it out. Everyone has blowass from time to time.
jessicaagracee 4
Go with the flow
aersie 13
Play some music. It'll help drown out the sounds.