Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
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Top comments
Selphis 20
Just go... they'll stop listening soon enough ;-)
greenfishbait 19
You have to do what you have to do!
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Comments (72)
Squirrel1256 15
Maybe you should out on a movie. One with loud explosions that you can use to your advantage.
GrinchFu1 27
Come on now! Pretend you're taking a shower and turn some music on. Maybe light a scented candle while you're showering... and for God's sake, open a window while you're in there. Problem solved!!!
Wizardo 34
And they'll still be sitting in silence while you drop a fat deuce, don't worry about everyone does.
Zebediabolical 45
It's your place, not theirs. Just go drop the deuce. As soon as they figure out what's up they'll turn on something loud to drown you out. Unless one of them is very attractive and of your preferred gender. Then go down the street and use the can at a gas station or something.
jackiemora 18
Run the tub water, sink water, anything to drown out the sound!
mackdeezy 22
You live there.... they don't. Do your business.
DDCA 24
You totally deserve for being bashful. When you gotta go, you gotta go!
SlapAndTickle 20
Everyone poops. Just go. Be loud, be proud.
zingline89 18
Love the comment, but just a heads up you spelled genius wrong in your profile...
babeababe 16
Just put on some loud music while you're going and turn on the shower. They'll just think you're showering. And plus, who cares. If you don't know them well, it's not like you'll be seeing them often. And if they're friends then they'll understand.