Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I bought a fancy salad for lunch and went to eat it in the park. A strong gust of wind flipped the lid off and launched half the salad into my lap. As I jumped up to shake it off, I slipped on a stray tomato slice, fell backward onto the grass, and watched as a seagull swooped in to eat my croutons. FML
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Top comments
youmakemyday_fml 0
ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...
ozymandias_fml 0
You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?
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Comments (231)
ehomz 0
this is just gross. why were you eating mayo that was on the table.
iBou_fml 4
ewwwww :S how could u do that? :S:S disgusting !
ccristinaa 0
ew
surreal 0
first of all, why would you even wipe off anything from a restaurant table and eat it? didn't your parents teach you that tables in public places are dirty? i wouldn't even pick up a fry and eat it off a restaurant table, let alone one that's outside on a patio. YDI
audiogasmic 0
wtf? okay first of all bird shit usually has black in it. secondly YDI because who the **** wipes any kind of anything off a TABLE...especially an OUTSIDE table...and eats it? ydi. ydi.ydi.
hfs 0
what i want to know, is why you thought eating it would be a proper clean-up
GemmARR 0
Eww, and thats why you dont eat random stuff off of tables.
mrsrn 0
eiwwwwwww. hows the taste?
Chfanfiction 0
Doesn't FML have enough goddamn bird shit stories? I've seen a lot of good ones I modded unchosen because the person didn't say FML or something. What the hell?
chunkofchange 0
you ******* deserved it for eating things off the table at a PUBLIC restaurant. doesn't matter if the waitress JUST cleaned it. its still disgusting.