Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I bought a fancy salad for lunch and went to eat it in the park. A strong gust of wind flipped the lid off and launched half the salad into my lap. As I jumped up to shake it off, I slipped on a stray tomato slice, fell backward onto the grass, and watched as a seagull swooped in to eat my croutons. FML
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Top comments
youmakemyday_fml 0
ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...
ozymandias_fml 0
You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?
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Comments (231)
patray_angel 0
OMG that is sooo gross!!! Obviously you weren't thinking and/or weren't paying that close attention to what you were about to eat. Like others have pointed out, even if it had been mayo, why would you eat something off of a public table?
VegasMade702 0
Thank you number #80!!! Right??? Whats up with all these FAT asses eating shit off the floor and licking tables??? Stop people.
NoBounceNoPlay 0
???????????????????????????????? I don't even know what to say.
Sinia_fml 0
Eww.... Just putting this out there but that can seriously make you sick.
AkanishiSan 0
why would u lick anything off a table?? especially (im assuming) a talbe thats OUTSIDE?? thats disgusting. i mean, i would have done the same if it was on a plate or something, but the table??
hollister7304 0
1. Plain Mayo is disgusting 2. Eating shit off of a public table is disgusting 3. You are extremely disgusting
avoid567 0
whyy would you want to eat extra mayo, which would be extra fat? and why would you lick something off the table..do you like germs? AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM. That could've been like..mayo that fell out of someone else's mouth. omggg gross. you're disgusting lmao.
Jellybones 0
I wonder if this is the same guy that licked someone else's vomit off of their own arm because they thought it was spilled alcohol. If this is true, people like you are the reason I have given up on the world. ******* retards.
Nite423 0
This exact story was already on here awhile back ago just with ice cream.
Roto13 0
So many FMLs that basically go "I found food lying around someplace nasty so I ate it." These people are disgusting.