Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I bought a fancy salad for lunch and went to eat it in the park. A strong gust of wind flipped the lid off and launched half the salad into my lap. As I jumped up to shake it off, I slipped on a stray tomato slice, fell backward onto the grass, and watched as a seagull swooped in to eat my croutons. FML
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Top comments
youmakemyday_fml 0
ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...
ozymandias_fml 0
You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?
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Comments (231)
westsideknight 0
was it delicious? next time try taking some shit from a public toilet, it may taste much better
dmzelda203 0
Why would you want to lick mayo from a table, anyways???
buckeyefan16 14
damn thas nasty man
Funtertaining11 0
Oh my...that's gross. Why would you lick it off the table in the first place? That's a bit unsanitary. Plus, how could you not distiguish the difference between mayo and bird dung? That's like not telling the difference between chocolate/ice cream and poop (Manure). The difference: one is sweet and the other one stinks.
mandalauren 0
lmfao. you idiot. why the **** would you eat something left on the table anyways?
brkn_hearted 0
lol at #13, must've been or dropped on their head a few times as an infant, but much like many of those beofre me.... why the **** would you eat ANYTHING off the table even if it WAS mayo? ya ******* mc nasty!
greensharpie 0
ew, NEVER eat anything off a patio table! i used to work at a restaurant. whenever I wipe a patio table, no matter how clean it looks, my white cloth ALWAYS ends up black. those tables pick up every speck of dirt imaginable from the great outdoors.
lazyyygirl 0
fat ass
were_giraffe 2
O_o bleh. you deserved that one sorry
megan_is_cool 0
Sure. Mayo isn't all that bad on a sandwich, but I would NEVER eat a drop of any condiment off of a public table, that's just disgusting.