Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
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Comments (148)
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
This may have been a good idea. In a parallel universe.
AKGirlinSD 20
I want to visit this parallel universe that you speak of. How do I get there? :-D
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Believe me, I wish I knew.
hewro_failure 11
YDI for having a stupid pet
sumbum95 15
You're like Homer Simpson...crashing into trees. But seriously never drive with a parrot on your shoulder.
TrueTriage 16
Actually in Noors defense I've seen multiple cases where birds learn a word after it being said once. Rare but it happens!
ShyAnn29 15
Really 97? I haven't heard of that before.
CptZoe 10
Retard
Audrey_J123 1
Why would you let your pet parrot out while you were driving? Dummy.
melrose90210 10
I would have loved to have seen you driving. Seeing someone driving with a parrot would have made my day.
Spiral_Thoughts 19
Well now that you've felled a tree, you can use it to build a pirate ship!
tj4234 36
what on earth made you think driving with a parrot on your shoulder was a good idea? It's because of people like you that we have car accidents.