Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
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Comments (148)
olpally 33
Lmao, Good one 53... Family guy reference ftw!!! :D
noisebox 1
Polly want a car accident?
Loegi 8
thats just very very stupid!!! Lucky no one got hurt!!
lonelyharts86 8
YDI, and I'm glad you learned your lesson without hurting anyone.
stevenmx86 8
GOOD you dumb ass! You're lucky you didn't hit anyone else!
Octwo 16
If women ever want to get rid of their bad driving stereotypes, they need to curb this apparent instinct to slam on their brakes and swerve wildly any time something surprises them.
runnamuk 6
Actually it seems as if OP might have been better served had she slammed on her brakes. Regardless, the hazardous driving of OP is not a result of her being a woman, but because she was stupid enough to have her pet loose in the car. Perhaps women will be able to ditch the stereotype of being bad drivers when chauvinists stop referencing their gender as a factor in the bad driving. Some women are bad drivers, some men are too, but those bad drivers don't necessarily speak for their entire gender. Tell yourself this next time you want to profile someone, "coincidental correlation should not be confused as causation." Aka, because some women drivers are bad drivers does not mean they are bad because they're women.
iFSxJiETS 0
watch out we got a pirate over here!
darkangel752 2
Pets should not be allowed out of cages while in vehicles! Hope you learnt your lesson there.
chujel1302 1
I guess that's why NJ now has a belt it or cage auto law for pets or face a $1,000 fine
OfficeNinja 5
That is why pirates have SAILBOATS! Not cars.