Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
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Comments (148)
akinsel2 6
people like you should lose their license permanently. Driving is not a game. My mother has permanent brain damage because of someone like you. YDI more then almost any other person on this site, and if you were injured, you deserve that to.
al66orange 4
best Fml ever
alycion 39
I won't even let my dog sit in the front passenger seat when he goes on rides. Cats are always in carriers as were my other animals when I had my mini zoo. I cringe whenever I see someone with a small dog on their lap when they are driving. It's just not safe. Hope everyone is ok op and I hope you learned from the experience.
bubbywaldo 0
Plus if the airbag goes off it can kill a small dog (or parrot).
ThatEmoVeganChic 0
Was she ok?!
mightymart 5
Wth were you expecting..
GarretE 2
Your a ******* idiot
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
*you're
allisonc 5
All animals belong in carriers when riding in a vehicle. It's safer for them and you and everyone else on the road. If you wanted to calm your pet down, pull over and do it. I really hope you get your license taken away and I hope your bird is okay.
ljfitman 6
Idiots like you remind me of TLCs hoarders. U guys are F'd up in the head
poopycat 5
Lol at first I thought it said you let the parrot shit on your shoulder
AKGirlinSD 20
Wow. When my best friend got a parrot she brought him right over. He was put in a travel size cage and seat buckled in, like a human. Birds are scared easily so why you thought this was a a genius idea us beyond me.
AKGirlinSD 20
is*