Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
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Comments (148)
zach5tay 2
Only in California.
sharod101 5
Hope you got a fine too, could've killed someone over your stupidity.
pinkpixie06 11
That was not only dangerous for you and your parrot but also for other drivers! You're lucky you only hit a tree!
xx000o 27
Chances are the bird already knew what was said, probably taught itself some new words.
The_Big_Boss 20
I cannot emphasize just how stupid you are
arodrks13 4
now you have a vet bill and a repair bill to pay.
zakkcarter 7
If you took deivers ed class im pretty sure they didnt teach you drive with animals on your lap or shoulder. Your an idiot op.
AzzieC 12
Who is stupid enough to let a parrot out of it's cage.... IN THE CAR
Shadomasta 5
Cripplecripplecripplecripplecripplecripplecripplecripplecripple Parrot: CRIPPLE! OP: Damnit, 15
firefighterjohn 9
it was probably your driving that scared it