Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
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Comments (148)
b_rad_fml 4
Only idiots drive with unrestrained pets or children! No sympathy from me!
Llamacod 11
wait, I drive with children all the time...
Zomg_Okay 27
30 - 13 said "unrestrained children". Children who aren't in their seat.
Rowdey 10
41 - Llamacod's sarcasm can be easily confused with stupidity. It happens every few FMLs.
im_smart 0
If you had pink eye and an eye patch over it you'd be a marooned pirate
Rowdey 10
Your name is so ironic.
ShyAnn29 15
Not unless OP said the same word over and over and over several times, I have 2 birds.
tennisrapper1 14
Leave it in it's cage. Especially with pet birds. These occurrences are more common than people think.
Llamacod 11
yes, because in all of my life I've heard about this 1 time, in this fml
tennisrapper1 14
You're just helping validate my point.
ohSNAPyall 27
When traveling, always keep your parrot in its Polly Pocket.
perdix 31
You should have kept the dead parrot.
ohSNAPyall 27
But then it would have muscled up to the car windows, and FOOM!
FMLephant 2
Monty Python.
perdix 31
That parrot wouldn't Voom if you put 40 million volts through him. e's bleedin' demised!
pengin 13
lmao I hope you aren't surprised this happened. As they say, "it was an accident waiting to happen." lol
NIRVANA1990s 1
well at least she didn't poop on you
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Hopefully she did
AJRand 14
What were you thinking would happen if you got into a wreck? Your seatbelt would hold you in but what about the bird?
22cute 17
Good thinking! There's nothing in a moving car that could scare a wild animal.
miss_amazing86 10
That's just stupid. You could've killed someone. You totally deserve it.