Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mom caught me watching porn, and now she has learned just how easy it is to access porn online, she's sending as many messages as she can to every porn site she can find, telling them they should shut down for the sake of Christian decency. She actually thinks they’ll listen to her. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
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Top comments
choshaki 8
haha next time make sexual noise maybe then she will leave u alone..
BelleBelle_fml 11
How do all of these people keep getting caught masturbating or having sex?! Lol you'd think they would learn by now...
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Comments (84)
onthetoilet 3
Just do "it" at night when she falls asleep
bengermin 5
...excerpts?
rattusrattus 19
Catholicism is a form of Christianity. All Catholics are Christians, but not all Christians are Catholics. Unless there's a form of Buddhist Catholicism or something I haven't heard about. [/sarcasm]
rhysfucker 24
Tell her "at least I'm not banging ho's like King David" and watch her head explode...
rattusrattus 19
Actually, yes Catholics are Christians. Unless some other religion has a 'Catholic' branch.
FMLephant 2
She'll be reading to you more when you go blind
thefriendlyc 0
Djsjsbjdiamdnjqoaowowjsjciusakjsms
Daederoth 10
You know... the Bible does say it is better to plant your seed in the belly of a ***** than to spill it on the ground. Just something to think about.
skyeyez9 25
Dont most guys spill it in a dirty sock?
JayBear14 11
So... Time for a blowup dolll then?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
You can plant your seed, just pray it doesn't take root.
locals321 0
it also says a woman shall not hold authority over man and that she must remain silent. and the bible also says slaves are okay to have, the bible isn't alright right.
MySilverCrow 0
sounds like something I would do
nixter5 18
I was expecting you to say she started coming on to you. THAT. would have been bad.
ichikibobivopula 0
Every time you whack off, God kills a kitten.
Krennicus 0
Solution to the rampant cat population. Everyone jack off now!
perdix 31
Just tear out the pages where the story of Onan is. If you want to be really heretical, use those pages to catch your spooge.
muchagente 5
maybe you shouldn't judge easily on such personal matters, but somehow it seems sick to me if she thinks that this helps. if you want to help people jack off, you should read them ****, that's my opinion. tell your mother.