Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mom caught me watching porn, and now she has learned just how easy it is to access porn online, she's sending as many messages as she can to every porn site she can find, telling them they should shut down for the sake of Christian decency. She actually thinks they’ll listen to her. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
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Top comments
choshaki 8
haha next time make sexual noise maybe then she will leave u alone..
BelleBelle_fml 11
How do all of these people keep getting caught masturbating or having sex?! Lol you'd think they would learn by now...
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Comments (84)
ladyreal420 3
wow its not that big of a deal........masturbation is healthy.... n yes even ur mom does it......people who say they don't r straight up LYING....
bubo_fml 11
Ask your Mum if Jesus jerked...
nubx 0
How is a children's story going to prevent you from masturbating?
Valkyrie19 0
i wonder what extract of bible tastes like o_O
b1gphil 6
does it actually say you shouldn't jerk off anywhere in the bible?
Ugi 27
I'm far from an expert on the bible but I think it does say that a man should not allow his seed to be spilt on the ground or somesuch. Onan did so and was smited or something. Hence onanism is another term for masturbation. I think the same passage is also the basis for the catholic objection to contraception, but I could easily be wrong on that.
JayBay97 0
next time just stare her straight in the eyes and finish
madisonbrooke98 0
Is whacking off master sting
madisonbrooke98 0
Spell check sucks. Is whacking off master bating?
Froggirl14 0
What's wrong with reading the bible? It's very healthy for u.