Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mom caught me watching porn, and now she has learned just how easy it is to access porn online, she's sending as many messages as she can to every porn site she can find, telling them they should shut down for the sake of Christian decency. She actually thinks they’ll listen to her. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
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Top comments
choshaki 8
haha next time make sexual noise maybe then she will leave u alone..
BelleBelle_fml 11
How do all of these people keep getting caught masturbating or having sex?! Lol you'd think they would learn by now...
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Comments (84)
MAXCAT1220 0
FTW my palm are hairy too but I still get that pussy ;)
Wozuh 5
How is that relevant to anything?
skyeyez9 25
Nowhere in the bible it says mastrbating is a sin. I am sure God left that out because otherwise, zillions of horny teenagers don't need to feel even more self conscious about their bodies.
SmallTownCutie 0
There's also nothing in the bible about not doing drugs or drinking alcohol, though people try to push that. People in the biblical days most likely drank a lot of alcohol, because there were few clean water sources. I would assume drugs went around too, since it was a sucky time in history. Just saying.
ambeeelove 0
Your mom is a Sex Nazi!
A7X_LoVeee 10
Hmm..I wonder how long it'll take for the comments to be closed.
xpxp2002 4
Extracts? How about excerpts? -.-
Friaza 29
I agree, your life sucks.
skylerXx 6
Another religious fanatic. As if masturbation really was a sin. I'm sure she did that also.
xtmc87x 0
your mom is an idiot
iMagzzzy 0
Its called a lock, or a girlfriend, or being a priest.
XI3NC3 2
Try Danger wanking !