Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML
Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Today, I started my week-long girlscation with two of my childhood friends. So far, one hasn't stopped burping, farting, or talking about "needing dick", and the other can't stop trying to one up everyone else in the car. Day one out of five. Sigh. FML
Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with four other people, with one fridge. FML
Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
These are normal meal-time conversations at the Bastard household. We throw in pus, the stench of dead colon, and blood just for good measure.
fuzz97 23
Join the party! Talk about your vasectomy, your hemorrhoids, or any other gross medical issues in your life.
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Comments (57)
crazytwinsmom 25
That's what happens with Old friends. Speaking from experience.
sens3sfailing 25
I'm guessing that you think they mean hang out with old people don't you?
sens3sfailing 25
^Please note the sarcasm^
fuzz97 23
Join the party! Talk about your vasectomy, your hemorrhoids, or any other gross medical issues in your life.
BenL97 5
I have a feeling OP might not have a vasectomy.
sugarshane007 20
9- Looks like we may have a psychic in our midst.
fuzz97 23
thank you for entirely missing the point of my comment, 9
onlychildFTW 34
Because who wouldn't want to hear about that...
Harpy20 24
So this is what happens when you get nurses drunk. Mystery solved.
crazytwinsmom 25
Who said they were nurses?
Harpy20 24
They seem to have some relation to the medical field (at least the way I'm looking at it) I just decided to make it simple and "blanket" their possible profession as 'nurse.' Problem?
nnnope 26
11 - good point, I didn't even notice til you pointed that out. All the more reason that this is a puzzling FML.
RvidxrKlvn 8
Why would they be nurses?
crazytwinsmom 25
Exactly, as we get older, those are the kinds of things we deal with and might discuss with friends. It's not just medical people and grannies in their 80s.
niallo 23
I am a nurse and thought the same as 11. In fact, unless they are nurses too at the table, I'm not allowed answer the question "how was your day" at the dinner table.
lalatookasheema 8
Take a deep breath and bring on the comments about bringing on the shitty situation jokes.
alliewillie 22
Actually, no one has said anything about them but YOU. The "Get ready for ______ comments" crap is just as bad (and prevalent and overused) as the memes themselves!
mikesjr 3
Sleeping?
ohSNAPyall 27
The alarm clock is a colonoscopy.
gc327072 31
Surprise buttcheck!
nnnope 26
I'm failing to see how this is an FML, unless you're being forced to stay over your friend's house at gunpoint. It can't be that hard to change the subject, can it...?
Enslaved 38
When you say old friends do you mean "old" friends? Those are topics my granny talks about. It's soooo pleasant to hear! :P
HBSgrad 5
Moderated this. I obviously voted "no."
GhettoXmuffin 7
Cool..
mercsl65 7
Use the time to enhance your life with some knowledge you wouldn't have had before. And spend enjoyable time with your friends. You can choose your fate.
winkydog4056 16
Och, you forgot to mention dentures, enlarged prostates and Viagra.