Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got into my boyfriend's car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML
Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is two miles away from the park. FML
Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML
Today, I went camping with my boyfriend. We were sleeping on a small slope. He got so drunk he peed in his sleep. I was downhill. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML
Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML
Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML
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Top comments
ComTlancy 12
That was a piss-poor effort. Are you feeling a bit flushed? I'll stop the toilet humour now.
yahoowizard 16
Now if a jellyfish comes out of nowhere and stings your leg, you're set
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Comments (66)
ronski 41
At least he didn't take the piss ;)
badam_fml 6
I think you need to practice more
linkinpark98 24
Who the Hell practices pissing outdoors? XD
annafii 7
...You could buy a shewee? I know it sounds weird but it's been a lifesaver hiking, camping, at festivals, at gay pride...essentially anywhere you'd either have to squat or use a grotty portaloo. People get freaked out by the idea of them but seeing how useful mine has been has made half my friends get one :') Shorter queues and you don't pee on your shoes...I should go into advertising
idiothater1 4
At least your not a male, which was my first impression, then it would be REALLY embarrassing!
florido_fml 10
They have this container that you could even aim when you piss or spell out your name in the snow.
agelouthi 1
Its not easy for a girl peeing in the woods.. However if you plan on hiking more often.. They actually have something for this.. Look up gogirl it's pretty much a funnel for woman to pee standing up.. And don't have to drop your pants either.. Lol it's very odd to use but in the end your shoes and pants are dry.. And if your with guys.. They can be jealous of your detachable penis haha!!
DocBastard 40
What the...how did you...how old are...I don't even... Someday I'll stop being amazed that my 5-year old is smarter than a lot of the original posters. Today isn't that day.
rubberduckie94 13
That is exactly what I was thinking Doc. I have hiked and camped all my life without peeing on my shoes while taking squatting to pee. Here is how it is done. Push pants down as far as you can. Separate feet as far apart as you can. Bend at knees, making sure to keep your butt between your legs, and go as low as you can with out hurting yourself or falling. Then no pee will be on your feet.
Bajee 10
He's so supportive!!!
GoW_Chick 15
At least he didn't look behind you, and quickly turned his head forward with his eyes wide, and whisper... "Don't look now, but you're attracting wildlife."
Pelreskovich 11
..the BEARS, they smell the menstruation. ..anyone? No? Okay then..
GoW_Chick 15
Yeeeeah, no, I think that one isn't going to go well with some, I bet it will be mostly girls too.
jbsington 8
Great, Ed. Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
lilacgold 16
The best way to avoid your shoes without having to entirely remove your clothes from one leg in the woods is to find a tree, lean against it, and get into a sitting position. Because a wide stance squat is hard whilst keeping your clothes just around your knees or ankles, and if attempted may result in peeing on your clothes too.