Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got into my boyfriend's car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML
Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is two miles away from the park. FML
Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML
Today, I went camping with my boyfriend. We were sleeping on a small slope. He got so drunk he peed in his sleep. I was downhill. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML
Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML
Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML
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Top comments
ComTlancy 12
That was a piss-poor effort. Are you feeling a bit flushed? I'll stop the toilet humour now.
yahoowizard 16
Now if a jellyfish comes out of nowhere and stings your leg, you're set
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Comments (66)
ComTlancy 12
That was a piss-poor effort. Are you feeling a bit flushed? I'll stop the toilet humour now.
alexh15 13
Thank goodness...!
HahaHokayThen 10
Guys have such an advantage against girls when it comes to peeing in the great outdoors.
MiniNyn 5
At least he didn't make fun of you! That was kind of him to not comment on the smell or gross factor of hiking with you and your pissy shoes.
MrPhucked 0
what humour
indianguyinuk 12
next time use a bottle op
Jakesterk96 8
At least you didn't piss your pants.... Dang it, your boyfriend beat me to it.
stariee1997 16
That would have been incredibly difficult if OP was a girl (which I'm guessing OP is).
hopeforkitty 0
Lol.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Unless op had a whizz easy device which lets females pee standing up- and into a bottle if they so choose. The more you know!!!! :p
chili10 18
There actually is a device that lets girls pee standing up, it's called the "go girl". Good investment if you don't want to ruin your shoes while camping.
FaZeClan 3
She's a girl-.-
xXBlitzkriegXx 5
This type of humor is truly number one.
emvictoria 9
That really sucks op :( try to be more careful next time.
ClassyCommando 13
OP should consider investing in a penis. I would recommend the "Urinator 35". A manageable length, only $79.99, and comes with an attachable 5.0x aiming sight!
BostonBruinsFan 8
...wtf... (wtf??)
freakinglaugher 10
There's a Urinator 35 now?! I just got my Urinator 34, and that bloody thing only cam out sex months ago. Worse than the Ipiss and Call of Doo-Tp.
Pentium_4 27
kinda true. once you started pissing on your feet you should have stopped. it stings but still lol
boofgall 16
It doesn't sting.. Piss is generally sterile, and unless she has cuts on her feet, I'm sure it wouldn't sting.
McDonaldsworker 4
Hmm might want to talk to your doctor about your piss stinging? Of course that begs the question...how do you know about pissing on your feet stings? lol
Pentium_4 27
not pissing in general stings, stop peeing in mid-stream stings lol
TPSerigne 9
15-I think something is wrong with your pee pee...
melons 44
Yes, I think you need some cranberry juice. Stopping mid-wee shouldn't sting...
mrbobmarley4 8
He means the "stinging" feeling when your peeing and you force yourself to stop peeing.
ahgah 0
15 - Completely understood what you were saying from your first post, I'm surprised how people were dumb enough to think you meant peeing stings. Let me help you out abit..let's replace the word "stings" with "uncomfortable" when trying to stop the flow of pee midway
Chixken 6
He has a point... It does kinda sting when you stop peeing mid-stream (:
AwkwardHaole808 16
It's more of a weird sensation. I hate that feeling.
FMLJFL 5
I think the worst part was having to walk with your feet sticking on the shoes every step, while knowing you're stepping on piss.
profligatesoul 18
I think maybe they meant 'stinks' that op pussed on herself not stings.
corytheg 6
At least u didnt poo on ur shoes
McDonaldsworker 4
Yes you are right it's a good thing op didn't "poo" when she went to piss
TourettesGuyFTW 26
At least there weren't any bears ******** in the woods at the time! Shiiiit!
yahoowizard 16
Now if a jellyfish comes out of nowhere and stings your leg, you're set
RobinKCS 9
False.
shoopd 19
Shutup Dwight!
lishy1311 0
I found that out from a Friends episode XD
kerrwoof 13
You're actually not supposed to pee on your wound after being stung by a jellyfish. Happened to a family member in Cuba and the first aid station told them not to have someone pee on it.
chubby_choco 17
I heard that only works for sea urchins...and even then, I'm skeptical...
boofgall 16
32- that's not a real fact. "XD"
Cherryripe25 5
guys take the ability to aim for granted.
pinkcrayola 0
Well, if you're a girl it's not too hard you just have to squat and hope you don't lose your balance.
manatees_r_epic 0
53, not really. It goes to all of the places you don't want it to. D:
RedPillSucks 33
Don't hate cause you don't have the superb muscle control to aim your pee stream.
ClassyCommando 13
Yeah, and don't you hate when you're trying to pee and you get a bo- oh, wait you're all girls.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Girls just aren't educated enough on the finer points of being in the wilderness is all. Alright ladies, here is the trick. Step 1) scout a spot with a tree or rock on a slight downhill incline. Step 2) stand with your back against your downhill leaning object and drop your drawers, pulling them forward slightly with one hand. Step 3) spread your legs slightly and go. The pee will flow down the nice incline and not into your shoes- and you are standing so no poison ivy on the ass.when you are woman who spends a lot of time in the woods you learn these things :p
BeefyQueef 5
I love being able to piss anywhere with ease.
mind_geek 15
The **** am I reading?
Iellwen 12
"Pissing In The Woods" 101. What, didn't you get the memo o_0?! :)
ohSNAPyall 27
He's got a point. Can you think of a better response to your pissing on yourself? Edit: 4 makes a compelling argument.
AffenKid 9
What the hell was he supposed to say? 'Learn how to squat properly'?
TheRealBrianGrif 7
This coming from a person who doesn't even use a toilet
TourettesGuyFTW 26
^ that coming from a creature who thinks anywhere is the toilet..
BostonBruinsFan 8
^that coming from someone that doesn't know what a toilet is...
elliepenguin 5
LOL I read it in Stewie's voice :D And Brian's response... FAMILY GUY CARTOONS DO EXIST!
alexh15 13
Much like a township. Squatter :P
McDonaldsworker 4
O NO! All, All.....WET...how could you?!? Just kidding that sucks but at least your pants weren't wet!