Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML
Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML
Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
Was somebody else in the shower?
Inkoseh 33
They apparently only own a toilet! No tub, shower or sinks! Let alone maybe a BOWL? It was just pee..or so OP says lol.
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Comments (11)
ahabsfan 17
Was somebody else in the shower?
Inkoseh 33
They apparently only own a toilet! No tub, shower or sinks! Let alone maybe a BOWL? It was just pee..or so OP says lol.
africanqueen202 4
For real I pee in the tub all the time
bloopaloop 27
It’s a good thing you used your full name so anyone who knows you and sees this can make fun of you.
RichardPencil 32
Why are you rubbing your ass on the bush? When I pee on a tree, I don't scrape my dick on the bark.
rotflqtms_ 21
Maybe when she bent down to squat she accidentally brushed her butt against it. I'm not sure why she had to pee so close to the Bush to touch it, but maybe she was trying not to be seen and tried to use it to hide or something. You pee facing forward. She had to turn away from whatever she was peeing on and blindly squat also taking care not to get her clothes or shoes wet while also balancing and trying to keep out of sight of any people passing by as she can't just pull out a penis and start peeing... but... to go outside to pee when you're already inside... I would have peed in the shower. Not a sink like some people suggested... but there are buckets, there are plastic disposable cups... so many things to use, and she went outside to pee after being inside...
RichardPencil 32
You're working way too hard on this problem.' After reading your reply, I had to take a nap.
T'keyah♥️ 3
That’s messed up...sorry for you!
pjsr 33
It takes at least 12 hours to begin itching from poison ivy. Creative story though.
buttfacehaha 4
you could have peed in the tub or the shower...duhhh
truecountrybitch 22
last time I got pain ivy I started itching in class the next day. know your plants idiot.