Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
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Top comments
dlogsr 1
maybe because you called it "intercourse".
danza_fml 0
30 seconds? No comment.
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Comments (134)
skygirl27 0
hahahaha ,thats downright ****** RUDE
fortunecookie_fml 0
wow I would be GONE.
Fuck34 0
Haha "I tried having intercourse"..that was funny the way you phrased that.
secret_fml 0
that really sucks.
shawleigh17 2
Yeah.. that sucks. I wonder if he'd be cool with you looking at or thinking about other guys and told him that it was just so that you could stay into it.... Who knows, you might have to start doing that.
saywhut05 0
agree with #5. it's not intercourse unless you are narrating a safe sex video from the 1950's, or you're the spawn of martha stewart. it's called SEX. no offense, but if you say "baby lets have intercourse" i'm surprised ya'll got that far. Better luck next time, when you attempt sex.
Phillay632 0
Okay, so the only logical conclusions to said issue are that you are either 1) a fugly biatch, 2) a fat cow, 3) a loosey goosey, or 4) he is gay and you're the cover-up girl so his friends/family don't find out. However, if he is willing to try to plow you, he would certainly be going the extra mile if he was indeed gay. My recommendation would be to simply dim the lights, turn over, and try anal, because that's probably a little more his style anyway.
theoldGP 0
HAHA #38 he's rude though. but i mean you call it intercourse. so its kinda YDI. you sound pretty ugly lmaoooo. no offense! =]
may_cause_fail 0
...Who calls it "intercourse"?
eeee93757 0
No, don't consider the fact that he could have ED when we can be shallow bitches about it...