Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
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Top comments
dlogsr 1
maybe because you called it "intercourse".
danza_fml 0
30 seconds? No comment.
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Comments (134)
spanky_ 0
How did you not notice him looking at it until you heard the pages flipping??
Socrates_fml 0
No, #41, the problem is definitely that she calls it intercourse.
Jungle_43 0
There is such a thing as **** addiction. He should probably talk to a therapist about the problem, it's a real psychological issue.
FoundManyLemons 0
Tell him they make pills for that? Or better yet, tell him to GTFO and find a new boyfriend?
bipolarchipmunk 0
viva, viva, viagraaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
craigahh 0
Dump his ass, you can do better than him.
uguysareidiots 0
you must be ugly? or hes gay.
ml35 0
to #5: hahahahahahahahahahah awesome
serious1y 0
hah. and this is why **** IS degrading to women, contrary to whats-his-face said yesterday. guys get so used to digitally-enhanced airbrushed women that aren't even REAL that they don't get turned on by their wives and girlfriends any more. if you think i'm being stupid, take a look at the statistics - watching **** is the leading cause of divorce in the US. dump him. and i'm not being shallow, clearly he is.
Calloway 0
Watching **** is the leading cause of divorce in the US? I'd say that people being unintelligent and irrational would be the leading cause of plenty of problems in the US, not the least of which being the divorce rate. I'd also blame the unrealistic expectations of love that Disney movies give children and various other things that the Moral Majority have been doing since I was born. Unintended consequences and hilarity ensue. Love takes work, and nobody has been saying that for close to three decades now. Hence, the divorce 'problem'. PS: If divorce is such a problem in the US, outlaw it. Then the phrase 'sanctity of marriage' will mean something.
Zoe_Cat 0
#52 said it all :)