Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
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Top comments
dlogsr 1
maybe because you called it "intercourse".
danza_fml 0
30 seconds? No comment.
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Comments (134)
ashleyy_fml 0
#84, well aren't you talented. I don't agree. I think that's rude.
ditlihi 0
Something wrong with the dude then. Probably a **** addict. Dump him and get a real man.
chickenclub 0
damn he shoulda just logged on the internet
lions2057 0
I love responses like... "Dump his ass, you can do better than him." Because you obviously know the chick that posted this and that she deserves better than a guy who could be really great and just have performance anxiety or another psychological issue. #84 wins.
platypusrex256 2
who has "intercourse" these days?
katiefershady 0
HAHAHAHAHA i just had this image of someone going in a trying too hard to be sexy voice "lets have intercourse" No wonder the guy had to look at some ****.
katiefershady 0
# 76 ya for real
were_giraffe 2
I've never heard someone say "having intercourse"... not when they're being serious. perhaps you're a little young for it?
Slashcko 0
It's your own fault for being terrible in bed.
SaraJean2 0
You do you "try" at having intercourse?