Today, I realized just how fragile and idiotic my brother is. At a family get together, I bought a giant box of popsicles for all the kids to enjoy. He refused to let his sons have one, because according to him, “it looks gay”. I swear my mother found him by the road or something. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML
Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because she "wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Today, my brother refused to bring his kids to a small family get together for my daughter’s birthday, due to his fear of Covid. Later, I saw online that he was at a huge party for his wife’s family, no masks in sight. When I confronted him, he blocked me and won’t return my calls. FML
Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
I feel bad for his sons (your nephews). If I were you, I'd weasel drops of knowledge and integrity upon them on the DL when you have an opportunity. You wouldn't want multiple idiotic versions of your brother. Hopefully you only see your brother strictly at get togethers only. I know from experience dumb siblings are just as dangerous as strangers.
Chazzster 32
My theory is that homophobes usually come from one of two things, either the way they were raised or internal struggles with their own identity. Since you come from the same family, I’m betting brother has internal tendencies towards being gay and he is overcompensating. It’s sad but stupid and I doubt he can be helped. So just stay away from the A-hole.
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
I feel bad for his sons (your nephews). If I were you, I'd weasel drops of knowledge and integrity upon them on the DL when you have an opportunity. You wouldn't want multiple idiotic versions of your brother. Hopefully you only see your brother strictly at get togethers only. I know from experience dumb siblings are just as dangerous as strangers.
RichardPencil 32
I'd be more disgusted with how much he enjoys watching his daughters and nieces consume them.
indiemusicnerdgirl 21
Jeebus Christ popsicles have been rainbow colors for decades now. But sure this box looks gay 🙄 Let your nephews know that they can come to you if they ever need to know about "gay" stuff. Because lord knows your brother won't be help.
Chazzster 32
My theory is that homophobes usually come from one of two things, either the way they were raised or internal struggles with their own identity. Since you come from the same family, I’m betting brother has internal tendencies towards being gay and he is overcompensating. It’s sad but stupid and I doubt he can be helped. So just stay away from the A-hole.