Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

Home Improvement

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

The indignity

Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML

Namaste

Today, I tried a new workout at my local gym. I thought I'd attempt some yoga poses I'd seen online. Mid-pose, I lost my balance and knocked over a row of weights, causing a loud crash and drawing everyone's attention. FML

Today, I woke up with every muscle in my body hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Participation in a triathlon, or overdoing it at the gym? No, the results of a day spent cleaning the house. FML

No more!

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. On my way home, my legs gave out halfway up the stairs to my apartment, and I had to awkwardly sit there until I could crawl the rest of the way up. FML

Freaked out

Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML