Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, a coworker invited me out for a date, totally out of the blue. I had no idea she liked me, but I did my best to impress. She ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, two bottles of wine, and eventually picked up and went home with our waiter. I got the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
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Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Lol, that sounds beautiful and romantic.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
In some cultures, vomiting on your food is considered respectable and a sign of favor in the locals' eyes.
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Comments (128)
kingkash 0
I work at the olive garden and that didn't happen -_-
redbluegreen 41
Who said it was from today?
Ianslilgoofball 0
I believe there are more than one Olive Gardens in California... :P
EpicAston 0
You got to french kiss a gorgeous girl, I don't see the problem?....Oh, right....the puke.....
perdix 31
He probably neglected to mention that she dry-heaved into his mouth during the kiss.
Angie_Laine 0
That's what you get for being so charming. Maybe you should have been a jerk.
nuttinick 0
be happy u got some, fuckface.
alyzandra 0
Kingkash, that's amazing that you're able to work at every Olive Garden in the United States. You're incredible.
PaigeCPony 0
I realize the guy's getting a lot of crap for trying to be "romantic" by going to Olive Garden, but I think it's nice that he took a girl to dinner. At least he's trying, you know? If a guy takes me to dinner, I appreciate it regardless of where we go. Fast food would probably turn me off, though. That's just like seeing how low you can go.
StealthStorm67 0
Olive Garden is fast food? That's incredible.
L0VEPiNK07 0
yay you for being romantic. boo her for getting sick.
StealthStorm67 0
Where would be better? Taco Bell?
buttseckz 0
So let me get this straight: your coworker, who is gorgeous, drank to much and vomited, then proceeded to make out with you. How exactly is your life ******? You need to shoot yourself in the foot an post that on FML. what's next, "today I ****** a hot chick, Fml"?
Ninjaface 0
If you had a problem with giving her a French kiss, then you should have offered to make it an Australian kiss. It's like a French kiss, but down under.
lightedlotus 0
lolololol genius