Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, a coworker invited me out for a date, totally out of the blue. I had no idea she liked me, but I did my best to impress. She ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, two bottles of wine, and eventually picked up and went home with our waiter. I got the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
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Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Lol, that sounds beautiful and romantic.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
In some cultures, vomiting on your food is considered respectable and a sign of favor in the locals' eyes.
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Comments (128)
sillylung 0
YDI for taking her to a god damn Olive Garden. You have no class.
Witchcraft_fml 5
What, no sex?
mangocherrypie 0
Why did you bring her to Olive Garden in the first place? F Her Life!
Gneekman 0
Hey, at least you know she's into you!
perfectwinds 0
Are you really lying and this poor girl had an epileptic seizure? Hmmm....?
dancingyrlie 1
you took the words right out of my mouth!
lolwatlol 0
oh poor you, your life really sucks
israelnotjacob 20
Two FMLs about Olive Garden dates written within 24 hours of each other. These are clearly both true stories beyond a shadow of a doubt.
RataBlanca 0
What the... Please check with me, does the second comment say "SECOND"? I had a comment there until at least one hour ago. It was not nearly anything like that.
perdix 31
I don't know what everyone has against The Olive Garden. I don't go often, but the ones I've been to seem to serve a decent meal in a pleasant atmosphere. I once had a memorably good server at one. If your date says you can only have the All-You-Can-Eat Salad and Breadsticks for one low price, it's your date that sucks, not Olive Garden for offering it. Guys: I've always found that when I broke the bank to bring a first or second date to a really expensive restaurant, I never got any. I guess it was too obvious I was trying to pay for sex ;). Stick to casual dining like Olive Garden for early dates -- wait 'til you've been going out a while to get fancy. Just my observation.