Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
Dammit redbluegreen! You edited your comment and now I look like an idiot.
Snafuusmc 12
IT'S A TRAP!
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Comments (134)
stephie29 2
Just wait... If she's reading Fifty Shades it won't take her long before she's ready to drag you to the bedroom. It's a common occurance after a every few chapters of that book.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Why can't people just grow the **** up and let people like what they like? Not only as in regards to books but everything in life as a whole. So what if someone likes Twilight and so what if someone likes this series? At the end of the day how does their enjoyment of said thing directly impact your quality of life? Grow up people.
canunu1 12
Pretty sure this impacted the OP's quality of life, just saying.
Levvy 22
Why can't people grow up and let people dislike what they dislike?
FalconWhitaker 20
Dude, I am so sorry. Also, your wife has terrible taste in books. I mean, REALLY terrible taste in books.
chokefrantic 9
I'm confused. Copying us flattering but twilight isn't worth that.
spock9 0
I read that Fifty Shades of Grey was originally written as a Twilight Fanfiction. The author obviously changed a few names and published it. Just thought I should say this.
sammyluvspugs 4
I've heard of that book everywhere... All the time on the radio and stuff.
VorpikeII 17
124, I'd thumb up your comment, but because I'm on my iPod, it's too long,
LaUruguaya 11
First of all, I'm a huge Twilight fan who refuses to read 50 Shades because fanfiction doesn't deserve to be published. Second of all, you're an idiot if you think Stephenie Meyer has even read a Sookie Stackhouse book before - reading materiel that explicit is against her religion! And it is nothing like Twilight.
Levvy 22
Is/ought fallacy. You assume she "ought" not be reading naughty books, therefore she hasn't read them.
Discombobulated9 12
All I read was "I'm a huge Twilight fan..." and my mouse instantly moved towards the thumbs down button.
LaUruguaya 11
Well that's a mature way to look at it! Liking a certain book automatically deserves a thumbs down? Idiot.
LaUruguaya 11
178, Its not a matter of "ought", it's her religious beliefs - it's not a secret ages a devout Mormon.
bizarre_ftw 22
Have you ever read it? Because I hear a very different story from a friend of mine who is the polar opposite of a twilight idiot and rather loves the book
MiloBear 11
#124 I think you picked a bad example since that writer has terrible grammar and didn't argue her point well. I enjoy fantasy stories. I've read and enjoyed the whole series of both Twilight and Southern Vampire (the Sookie Stackhouse series). It all depends on if I'm looking for mushy teenage stuff or more adult themes. I believe you could argue that most vampire stories are "rip-offs" of traditional vampire lore. But then, most modern stories contain elements from previously written books. I'm not a huge fan of the vampire genre but from what I have experienced, MOST vampire stories involve a male vampire falling in love/fixating on a human girl. Often, the vampire is much older than the human since vampires are generally immortal. This makes a lot of them controlling over their human since they believe they are wiser. Most vampire stories involve werewolves because it is known that they are enemies. Vampires are colder than humans, werewolves are warmer; probably to emphasize their opposition to each other. There are stories where vampires can withstand sunlight, although it does weaken them. There are two main ways for humans to turn vampire in literature. 1) The vampire bites the human and and their venom changes them. 2) The vampire drains the human's blood and makes the human drink their vampire blood. Twilight uses method one and Southern Vampire uses method two. In most vampire stories, the change takes place over a day or two. Most stories involve covens of vampires as well as those who are loners. Most shifters/mutants in stories change at the time of puberty since that is a time when our bodies change so much as it is. Honestly, I think Stephenie Meyer used much of the existing vampire lore, which Charlaine Harris also used. The one thing that Meyer made original, that of vampires sparkling in sunlight, has been heavily criticized and mocked. Maybe you should think for yourself instead of jumping on the popular Hating-Twilight bandwagon.