Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
Dammit redbluegreen! You edited your comment and now I look like an idiot.
Snafuusmc 12
IT'S A TRAP!
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Comments (134)
graphicstyle7 17
Get some counseling for your relationship.
roonytoony38585 3
Good book, don't blame her lol maybe she's telling you she needs some!
fishereric 1
I find it funny that Twilight is considered a step up from her book.
graphicstyle7 17
I take that back. Contempt in a relationship is usually the death of it. Maybe it's time to explore other options and let her go. You'd both probably be happier somewhere else with someone else.
friedbunnies 9
Freaks? Harsh.
NNR 0
So watz your safe word mines complete slince.
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
YDI for getting married
missnuthin 10
have you seen the spoof video of Gilbert Godfrey doing the audio book for that? I haven't laughed that hard in ages!
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
and that's what marriage is all about!~ YDI for being a puppet
djxerxes9000 18
I really enjoy being married. Wouldn't being married make him less of a 'puppet' since fewer people are getting married these days. You deserve face herpes for being a fool.
betteryouthanmee 3
Still a better love story than Twilight.