Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
Dammit redbluegreen! You edited your comment and now I look like an idiot.
Snafuusmc 12
IT'S A TRAP!
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Comments (134)
destraa 1
The fact you know enough about Twilight to make that comparison, your Man Card is hereby revoked. However, it does suck to be you.
dominic1221 6
"Man card"? Are you 12 years old?
laden_swallow09 35
No, if he read Twilight and LIKED it, it'd be revoked.
Karen27 9
I enjoyed 50 shades of grey books and really didn't see the whole it's just like twilight at first but now t seems blatantly obvious
AwsumShyGuy 12
Still a better love story than Twilight.
havenbane 1
Have you even read the book there is nothing similar between twilight and the book, or are you reading what someone wrote. Because your post sounded like something out of a footnotes book
Azellia 15
And Twilight is basically a blatent rip-off of the Suki Stackhouse series. But anyway, sucks for you, OP.
brownkity 7
Haha, there are probably like 3 of us on here who even know about the Sookie Stackhouse series (True Blood) 2001 vs twinlky Twilight 2005... I guess since it's not a tween love story, no one knows anything about it... it is MA afterall, so not everyone on here is allowed to watch true blood.
groupleader 7
What is so great about that book? Library's have hundreds of people on wait lists for it. All I have heard is that it really sucks. All hype.
aJaguarinRed 9
That book is seriously softcore! If you think those characters are BDSM freaks... then you have no sex life.
unknown_user5566 27
Maybe if you were around more often, and if you were more romantic towards your wife, she wouldnt want to spend the day reading an erotica book and fantasizing about a "real" man. Just a thought.
unknown_user5566 27
129- Fair enough, it is a vicious cycle. However, I I will say this: Happy wife, happy life. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. ;)
ecks51 3
Judging from the OP's description, he's read it (and Twilight) so why bitch about her doing it?
karmasblood 6
The book is nothing like twilight. So for saying that you sort of deserve it, And frankly if she's reading a book it can be taken away, but someone like you would rather complain on fml then take the book, there is no reason to wonder why she said you do nothing romantic. You dont do anything really.
QueenSaru 28
Uh... if I was reading (regardless of whether it was classic fiction or 'trash'), if someone just took my book away, I'd be a little pissed... That said, OP, did you attempt to engage her attention? Say something like, "Hey, since I have the day off, how about we pack a picnic and go to the park." or "How about we go catch a movie and then I'll make dinner?" It might put some notches in your 'romance' bar for her, rather than insulting her choices of reading material.
Levvy 22
Nothing like Twilight? The book literally was a Twilight fanfic in its first draft. Not figuratively, not "practically". Literally. The authoress changed the names/locations and title and shipped it off for publication. The sad thing is, if they aren't similar, that actually indicates a failure on the authoress' part. Talk about a lose/lose situation.