fiftyno
Tacoma, United States
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
boblaj
Hastings, United Kingdom
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Divorce?
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
GroosedOut
United States
Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML
Anonymous
Gig Harbor, United States
Read and learn
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
I_dislike_Twilight
United States
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Time for a divorce, I think
Edison, United States
My love language is…
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Anonymous
Redmond, United States
You what now?
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Ouch
Touch crowd
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Anonymous
Las Vegas, United States
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
i fking love docb
Christiansted, Virgin Islands, U.S.
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Top comments
RealTalk0 7
She's doing it for you, buddy. I'd be flattered.
Volcan_fml 22
So your wife thinks she's Kristen Stewart now?
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Comments (219)
Volcan_fml 22
So your wife thinks she's Kristen Stewart now?
shadowsorel 15
Yes. But she still uses more facial expressions than her.
sincerelyjay 13
#1 Totally irrelevant but, who is your profile picture of?
rageandlove13 8
69- actually, it's pretty relevant.
rhaemese 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
69, this is where you message someone. If its irrelevant to the post, you shouldn't really talk about it.
gracehi 33
87, Unless you're using the app, which doesn't have private messaging.
rhaemese 9
93 that's true. Completely forgot about that.
lacespace 8
69-it's Edie Sedgwick
erikabt820 2
What makes you think that Kristen Stewart has anything to do with 50 shades???
Justy101 23
135 - Because Fifty Shades of Grey is basically a **** fan fic based on Twilight.
sportcrazychick4 7
Your very true!! :)
migi428 5
^Soon.
MuseFan1991 14
that irritates me so much in the books! and the ridiculous amount of times grey runs his hands through his hair. who actually does that?
eat_this_buddie 5
^ I agree
RealTalk0 7
She's doing it for you, buddy. I'd be flattered.
MagicGiraffe 12
My favorite was the 50 Shades of Grey picture book
onlychildFTW 34
What about the funny book "50 shames of earl grey" Haha
sheethapins 13
Personally, I enjoyed the pop up.
desoto96 9
Hey, it's better then someone else bitting we lip.
desoto96 9
Haha I just read that. My spell check got the best of me once again!
desoto96 9
What I meant was, "bitting her lip."
Welshite 40
Fail...again.
tinyj96 3
Yes! I bite we lip all the time! -no one ever.
Welshite 40
I thought one of you would catch the mistake, but for reference here you go. I hope it helps. The bitter biting locksmith used a bitting to make the key’s bit. I swear, sometimes spelling mistakes just make me want to slam my head against a ship bitt in frustration.
Shafreeka 8
62 - I'm not sure how no one else caught the way he tried to spell biting. Ha. Kudos to you.
mylifesucks_fml 1
It all sounded like someone with an irish accent to me at first considering their english... am i the only one?
muFilter 19
You guys all managed to miss the use of "then" instead of "than" too? Things have really gone downhill around here on the Grammar Nazi front.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
4 is Scottish, they meant wee lip, as in small
lacespace 8
*darkened expression* tell her to stop it before I bend her over...and push her off a cliff.
cliffibom 15
Im waiting for her to get pushed off of me...
Greggums 2
This made me laugh so hard omg xD
tanderla 1
Lol, best come back comment EVER... AWESOME...
lacespace 8
Kind words, I thank you both
toeman47 1
anythingmustbe 18
Fifty shade's of grey the Twilight for adults. Both badly written. Both fail romance stories.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well it was a Twilight fanfiction that the publisher tweaked to make a book out of it. I read a few pages, it is as lame and poorly written as Twilight... I don't get that rubbish like that are published when they are very good authors out there who struggle.
airforce987 20
No sir, the 50 shades of gray for adults is the Song of Ice and Fire series. It's like putting the Sopranos in Middle Earth while filing a porno without the shitty actors. It's goddam beautiful.
Srs_business 7
Still a better love story than twi...wait a god damn minute it isn't. They're both terrible.
rattusrattus 19
Fifty Shades of Grey: At last, something Twilight is a better love story than!
anythingmustbe 18
#91 If your going to correct me at least spell the name of the book right...
sirpantselot 22
117, that's a bit rich from someone who didn't spell it right in the first place...
airforce987 20
How did I spell it wrong? That's the name of the series... If you are referring to "gray", I'm on a phone and the autocorrect changes "grey" to "gray". My apologies. Also I don't know why I'm getting so many thumbs down. The Song of Ice and Fire series is one of the best I've ever read.
Max1468 4
I can't take you seriously with a My Little Pony icon.
Synistiel 14
146- It's called a not needed apostrophe and incorrect capitalization. It would be "Fifty Shades of Grey" not "Fifty shade's of grey".
Love1D_fml 1
your picture goes so good with that comment
fthku 13
50 Shades of Grey for adults is the ASOIAF series? The ****? How can you even think about comparing them?
sarahannewrap 7
Believe it or not, 50 shades was actually a fan fiction for twilight at first.
brianna27 8
Fifty shades is like twilight, but with spankings lol
scuttlebuttz 1
50 shade is what?
Dbotmen 9
#91 The sopranos and middle earth filming a porno... wait what the ****?
Dbotmen 9
#91 The sopranos in middle earth while filming a porno... wait what the ****?
xInwex 12
I'll never understand this 50 shades of grey crap. I feel like I'm losing brain cells just mentioning it
secret_ninja_gal 12
LOLOLOL this made my day.
Cartera 10
Then you should probably get a life.
mashimarox 12
Lip biting is sexy though :P
UsernameHere234 13
I agree. My fiancee has always done it (she hates the idea of fifty shades of grey and books like it) and it turns me on. I don't know why your getting so many down votes
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I loveeee a little nibble here and there. But I don't bite myself. Is it supposed to be sexy?
DocBastard 40
I bite my lip all the damned time when I'm chewing. Why the hell would she need to practice? Is lip biting considered difficult?
kamikrazy 6
It is when you wanna do it intentionally. You can't make it hurt on purpose.
dhooks111490 8
Yes I can
dwc2134 5
You have absolutely no pain tolerance, then. I can draw blood from my own lips and arms with my teeth without a second thought, and no, I'm not a masochist or an emo kid.
siberianhamster 17
...just a ******* idiot.
realSlimjimShady 7
I don't think doctors are supposed to chew DocBastard don't u have pamphlets on that
hunterfisher98 8
Bravo siberianhamster, I salute you.
skullofdarkness 18
Siberianhampster: you sir (or madam) are awesome. And I totally agree with you. XD
ClaremoreZebra 8
Yeah, I just did. Thanks a lot liar, now my lip won't stop hurting.
eatdemcupcakes 4
73-what's wrong with masochist?
P374RD3D 9
Were you trying to get first comment without being obvious? I think you failed both.