Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
Dammit redbluegreen! You edited your comment and now I look like an idiot.
Snafuusmc 12
IT'S A TRAP!
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Comments (134)
JayLite 0
There's plenty of hot sex scenes in that book. Maybe, she wanted to have some ideas on how she can turn u on ; )
token_blackguy 18
A great philosopher once said, "Money over bitches."
Jamialia 5
You're pathetic. You turned a FML from complaining about something your wife did in to whinging about the plot of the book. Is your FML about the book or your wife? Dumb mutt.
rogerover 19
Next time you see her reading that book just start taking her clothes off. She won't resist.
mmroberts1227 1
50 shades is not Twilight. Other than it is about a guy and girl falling in love. If she was more interested in reading a sex book than hanging out with you, you might as well just go to work.
Zeldasherolink 0
I just wanna say thank you for warning me not to read this book
AngiiieMariiie 0
Read the book! You'll understand why it's much more interesting than your inability to satisfy her. P.S. Fifty Shades of Grey is not twilight. WTF!
barnesrl 1
50 Shades of Grey is nothing like Twilight, both of which I have read. As for fanfiction, this is a rumor started to connect a new book to an older successful one in the hopes that it will sell better amongst the older books fans. Thus far, however, 50 Shades has held its own!
Caldwell123 0
That book was really good.
billyz77 24
Holy shit that's a long ******* comment! After reading the damn thing, I really want the minutes of my life back that I wasted on it. Ah, **** it. I'll just go have another cigarette. What's it matter? I'll be dead soon anyway.