Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML
Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML
Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML
Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML
Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of taking me to the doctor. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
For ****'s sake, people! How many trite, overused goddamned pussy jokes are you people going to make? New material! NOW!
Ambient25 25
Well sounds like you're not getting or playing with any pussy tonight...
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Comments (86)
DDCA 24
It seems she loves her pussy more than you.
Jharrist89 12
And I bet you knew she was a crazy cat lady from the start!
Xyph8 1
whenever cats mess with me i use lazer pointers and make them crash into walls. That always makes me feel better about the claw marks
xhhrunner 3
I almost married one of these crazy pet lovers the dog and cat were top priority. Glad I realized it before I was in too deep. Sorry OP
PunkySpunky78 15
To the op Sorry that happened to you But maybe she thought you could handle it better then the cat
outoftown 27
She so owes you! Remind her tomorrow.
onorexveritas 24
well the cat was the one freaked out, not you.
Axel5238 29
Cat owner but no cat carrier for times such as this? Dumb and strange, but how did the cat cause a deep gash? My caught used to bite and claw my hands all the time when she was a kitten and it was never really painful, but it never started bleeding enough to require a visit to a hospital or anywhere close to being serious. OP makes the cat sound like it was a Tiger cub. No cat carrier for trips to the vet YDI, for every cat owner this is usually a must.
M3DIC4T3 29
I hate cats for this reason. They're not domesticated animals in any way, shape, or breed.
gators1995 30
You been pussy whipped and I would have drowned that cat lol.