Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML
Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML
Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML
Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML
Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of taking me to the doctor. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
For ****'s sake, people! How many trite, overused goddamned pussy jokes are you people going to make? New material! NOW!
Ambient25 25
Well sounds like you're not getting or playing with any pussy tonight...
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Comments (86)
Bicko2004 25
So your wife comforted the cat. Get used to it. I'm surprised that she never told you off for scaring her cat. Don't you know that you are a very long way down her priority list, it goes something like this: Your daughter. Your son. Sons girlfriend. Daughters boyfriend. The cat. The dog. The gerbil. The hamster. The goldfish. The budgerigar. The parot. The list goes on and on with you right at the bottom of it.
chosha_fml 27
Cat carrier, OP. Your wife puts her in. The vet takes her out. The vet puts her back in after the check-up. You open the door and she walks out at home. Or better yet, your wife takes her own nasty, biting feline to the vet. Tell her it's for the cat's sake, as she was clearly stressed the last time.
TheNinjaBacon 8
There is a logical explanation as to why she comforted the cat rather than you. Cats are psyco! If she didnt comfort the cat the cat would get pissed off and murder the whole family! Cats are violent! She didnt comfort you, she saved you life! You shoul be thankful!
Shade1982 21
Did anyone else read this as if he was taking his CAR to the vet?? I was wondering what the hell he was trying to do...
Raykyogrou03 12
Declaw that pussy
brosiph_Joseph 8
It's simple we kill the badman
loganberrybat 11
You seriously went to the hospital for that? Man up