Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, my ex was fucking me, tossing me on his bed and pulling my clothes off. I can't resist sex, but I whimpered, "I'm ovulating…" It seemed to turn him on more. I hope to god I don't get pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mofran 0
make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"
shadow2903 11
Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
arkid24 1
What a tard.
OfficeNinja 5
Your boyfriend is either 13 or a complete moron. Either way, you need to reconsider the decision to have sex with the guy.
Levvy 22
Unda da sea Unda da sea Darling it's better down where it's wetter Take it from me...
perdix 31
I was going to comment on what a moron the bf is, but I realized that the OP is with him. Idiot babies are almost certainly in her future.
mitoito68 6
What stupido bf you have yes tell him that I **** a whale! !!
mitoito68 6
That's ok mean you are clean I still go down on you. Don't listen to the negative people here....
horrorfreaknj 1
tell him that he should also protect himself against 'cooties' and the only effective way of doing that is slitting his own throat. And maybe his wrists, just for good measure. (It seems harsh, but in the long run you'll see that you've done him, yourself, his parents - and quite possibly the world - a huge favor.
xSorry_fml 10
This fml is proof that dudes come in blonde also.
EvilDave 13
OP, you are dating him and know, or at least should know, how stupid he is, so YDI.
Darwin03 1
Ok so anyone else worried about the "reverse evolution". I think you both are killing the human race by having sex in the first place. I bet you guys are on welfare too???
Levvy 22
There is no such thing as "reverse" evolution, because there is no direction to evolution. It can't go backwards, forwards, sideways, or up and down. It only denotes change. I hope you have your username because it's your actual name or somesuch, not because you consider yourself familiar with this topic.