Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, my ex was fucking me, tossing me on his bed and pulling my clothes off. I can't resist sex, but I whimpered, "I'm ovulating…" It seemed to turn him on more. I hope to god I don't get pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"
shadow2903 11
Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...
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Comments (192)
jayejayejaye122 3
At least the 'fish sex' is good?
deadbabies 0
I used to have sex with fish, then I took an arrow in the knee
shazza26 1
Da ****!? ^^
BobsUrAunty 2
@42 Skyrim has nothing to do with this fml. Also, the joke is no longer funny.
mintcar 10
Why is your boyfriend so ******* strange?!
big_d_6975 0
lol your picture makes you look like a cross between a coked up snookie, and a drunk oompa loompa. rotflmao!!!! :P
big_d_6975 0
strange is looking like snookie on coke, mixed with oompa loompa. wow, some people have huge balls!!
RockstarRN 10
PLEASE don't let him REPRODUCE!!!!!!
imcharp 5
Amen to that!!
NoLongerExists 11
According to the FML, his chances of reproducing are very slim anyway.....
IceTheYoungGun 4
having sex with a fish ? still don't see why girls find dumb attractive
Poetaster 10
Perhaps a discussion with a Dr. would set his mind at ease and most of all educate this young man?
grannygruber 6
I bet his favorite fish is a sucker!
topie_fml 6
Quick go get some tartar sauce.
Nikelopez 11
I'll take his spot :D
michellelynnae 0
Dump him. You don't need to give him an opportunity to pro-create.
omggtfomi 1
Agreed
lightzonlycast 2
Make him earn them blood wings!
Hanged_Man 3
Um...yeah. Ovulation is about as far from "blood wings" as you can get. Might want to pay attention in health class.
p2theORTER 0
Ovulation is different from being on your period...