Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, my ex was fucking me, tossing me on his bed and pulling my clothes off. I can't resist sex, but I whimpered, "I'm ovulating…" It seemed to turn him on more. I hope to god I don't get pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"
shadow2903 11
Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...
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Comments (192)
mspeacock 6
Yet again a reason kids shouldn't have secks
cetlawizard 15
Your profile pick IS awesome & shit! Lol....one of the best I've seen yet. :)
hbbs93 6
You didn't even spell sex right.
aikman_wesc 2
Your boyfriends is a retard
skittlesmeep 4
Your bf is either too young, or retarded.
ohSNAPyall 27
How many eggs does he think you have? You're not having litters, are you?
Lady_Bee_fml 13
What a bizarre conversation that must have been... ''Good morning darling, I'm ovulating today. Would you like your eggs scrambled or fried?''
dansco 25
Has he had sex ed?! What a berk!
telonthemove 4
No dude wants to hear about ovulation. Takes the sexy right out of everything.
BD_Swingin 0
Well close your legs it smells like low tide.
HU4L188 0
The stupidity of the world these days never seems to amaze me...
whitperky 0
Get a new boyfriend. He's an idiot.