Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, my ex was fucking me, tossing me on his bed and pulling my clothes off. I can't resist sex, but I whimpered, "I'm ovulating…" It seemed to turn him on more. I hope to god I don't get pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"
shadow2903 11
Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...
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Comments (192)
pdp_fml 21
You really need a new boyfriend. Did he take sex ed classes in public school?
DynamicDave 11
You should have compared him to having sex with a gerbil.
linkinpark98 24
Someone needs to check into Sex ED.....
redmnky21 8
ur bf is a moron
vieeev 4
Haha awesome
big_d_6975 0
I see ur boyfriend and kayne "fish dick" west aren't the smartest monkeys in the zoo when it comes to sex. I would seriously hour homeboy to the curb and find someone who made it past sex ed and the 4th grade. I am at a lose for words about his book smarts :S
Michyxo 14
Why are you even tracking/sharing that you're ovulating if you're not trying to get pregnant?
Enslaved 38
Maybe she /is/ trying to get pregnant. I tell my guy when I'm ovulating so that he knows to be extra careful and not get too caught up in the moment. Safer sex, is better sex!(:
toelie 26
Pulling out is your idea of safer sex?
Enslaved 38
No-no. Not to get too personal but it means "it's a foreplay only night" and not to rely on condoms. There's more to sex than just sticking it in. Lol
Michyxo 14
I figured someone might bring up being aware of when you're ovulating as part of pregnancy prevention. However, as the FML is that he doesn't want to have sex with her while she's ovulating more or less because it's gross, it would seem that the two are neither trying to get pregnant nor avoiding having sex while ovulating to prevent pregnancy, which makes it appear she just randomly informed her boyfriend that she's ovulating. Just seemed weird to me. (:
Yulia_fml 0
Wow, you don't do more than foreplay if you're ovulating? Poor boyfriend. That takes out two parts of the month for sex - ovulation and period.
LullzKitteh 1
um, maybe so that she DOESN'T get pregnant? plus, if a girl is A) regular and B) smart, she can easily figure out when she's ovulating.
Justincolon22 15
I bet it does
shazza26 1
Wow he's got an... active imagination...
ComaCalm 5
And this is why I'd never date a guy who knew less about Vaginas than I do.