Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML
Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
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Top comments
MyNameIsLaughter 18
Next time he comes on to you, just pull out a box of Kleenex and walk away
lexiieeex3 32
Well that's inconsiderate of him...
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Comments (99)
Youngtrapgod67 5
Oh, well then.
russfml 31
It sounds like your boyfriend has a steady relationship with Palmela Handerson. FYL OP
CharlesEmersonW 31
Kinda rude if you ask me but . . . sure. . . He made a statement ! He stated that he used his hands (and probably will be using them for some time from now but sure) Either way, I'd say the guy f#@$ed himself over here. He just doesn't realize it yet!
rlak111 19
Best FML I've seen in a while
simmybaby_ 13
Just wait until it's his turn…show him the same kind of love
obliviongillette 18
Kleenex: 1 You: 0 Jk op, send him some links to some Kleenex commercials and tell them there for his spank bank.
ColonelCusswords 24
Dont take it personaly, the kleenex is easier
loserface210 11
What a jerk..OFF ha.
gosh_mate 30
I find this so rude! Next time he wants something from you, say that you thought he preferred his own handy-work.
Drnknmonkey08 12
I don't see how this is an fml. maybe if you were living in the same house I could see it. Maybe he just wanted a quickie and didn't have time or didn't feel like driving over just for sex. you have hands and fingers too just saying. at least he didn't cheat!