Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML
Today, I woke up to find out that my practically feral cat had chewed through my laptop charger cable. I guess I won't be getting much work done today. FML
Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML
Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML
Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML
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Top comments
CandyPewPewPew 29
"Your pets opened the door by themselves ran ouf of the house and they never came back."
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
There's always room for interesting excuses.
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Comments (71)
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
There's always room for interesting excuses.
GreatGeak 8
maybe the teacher will laugh and give op more time because of it. :-)
KingreX32 21
doubt it
Nick_Corso 17
That'll be a hard one to explain
jad0016 12
you could always send pictures technology is a great thing you know
thisguy22 33
Not when you don't have power cables...
BrainStew27 12
I think he meant phone pictures. Don't need wires for those
Nick_Corso 17
Hello
sexyboi1985 27
Haha, that's funny !
CandyPewPewPew 29
"Your pets opened the door by themselves ran ouf of the house and they never came back."
Wizardo 34
"The washing machine just spin dried the cat and the gecko just fell into the blender..."
awkwardology 23
"On a totally unrelated topic, how's that smoothie tasting?"
extrasnipes 22
"and how's the sweather, its real fur you know?"
PrincessHokage 8
"And the reason your white clothes are pink might not have been from a sock..."
spluver0005 17
Always keep wires away from cats. They're like drawn to them for some reason. I've gone through so many headphones because of mind
blackonblight 33
My cats are why I keep a spare set or two of earbuds in my desk, and keep the earbuds themselves in my purse when not in use. They just love to chew on them.
Kamon97 23
Get wireless ones then
spluver0005 17
Most wireless ones aren't exactly cheap though
MzZombicidal 36
I honestly didn't know this was an issue with cats! Dogs, maybe. But I'll be sure to keep my wires hidden in the future. Thanks FML!
reneetlovesyou 30
My dogs chew on anything they can get their grubby little paws on when they're bored, including but not limited to: cords, phone cases, glasses, Invisiline (teeth straighteners), and especially underwear.
SkinYouAlive 9
I have 2 cats and thank goodness I haven't had that issue. My 2 dogs and bearded dragon on the other hand...
Ki11erC 18
Headphones and cats? That's like giving them a piece of string... That's why they like. Bit obvious imo but I guess not to some of you.
Kamon97 23
I was merely making a suggestion but whatever
spluver0005 17
#49, actually giving just string to cats is dangerous. It's so easy for them to eat and it's very hard on their digestive system. Also, even if it was safe, do you really think that would actually stop them from chewing on something? Think of a kid, do they only have ONE toy they play with? No. They have multiple ones. Cats like wires, and giving them a string is not only dangerous, but also ineffective.
Redoxx_fml 22
Maybe your roommate is evil Dr Doolittle
tealrobot 15
confront your roommate?
brand125 17
"tell your cat to stop biting cords" wouldnt really work, a cat still roams the house. it would be the op that would have to come up with a solution like hiding their cords. (you could mention not leaving the lizard roam free, but i dont know the details of the lizards life)
Adam5858 17
Would you want to try say that,I wouldn't
AlexisCrystine 9
as original as those are any teacher would be like " how in the hell does a gecko eat a pen drive"
cakefete2 31
Simple, one bite at a time.
Nakoma_fml 10
#24, or "One BYTE at a time" :P
Dabombr 11
Or one Geckabyte! See, gigabyte, geckabyte? Never mind, that was pretty bad.