Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML
Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML
Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML
Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML
Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
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Top comments
Araoth 5
Did you dress as cat Santa? :)
Mr25_fml 14
Mr. Kibbles GO BACK TO SLEEP OR SANTA WON'T COME!!!! *Insert troll face here*
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Comments (286)
ant2590 6
You need to get laid
A7X_LoVeee 10
Look who's talking.
Brainspoil 2
this is why op hasn't been laid in 2 years.
lachicadecafe 12
Forgive me for my rudeness, but that is the dumbest effing thing I've ever heard. They're effing cats, for crying out loud!!! Cats should die!!
JalosgurlGiselle 0
Wow ...
22jrdn55 15
... and the FTW comment of the year award goes to, ( drums playing), not to you.
beckys_fml 2
Get a life "cat lady"!!!
hellokittay 5
Don't worry, some people just aren't as creative. :) haha
22jrdn55 15
I'm willing to donate a sperm or two! Just don't play canta anymore, please!
tschulte0296 4
keep your sperm... playing Canta is fun and constructive. Having children isn't the answer to everything, nor should it be.
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
65 - Whoa, HATER ALERT. Ps. Children are the future!
hateevryone 15
you need kids sweetie
tschulte0296 4
no... kids are not the answer. I do not need kids. I cannot have kids. I do not want kids. I was abused as a child, what if I would pass that on?
xXkingmikeXx 5
How did know that he was writing that for you? You must be op. And btw if you don't want to pass on the abuse don't abuse the kids,simple as that.
brianjman14 23
62, where did that come from??
xXkingmikeXx 5
From the united states of chuck norris's ****.
bobbycorwen 5
Why would having kids be the answer? Hm.
Lizsrsly8 0
OMG! But you're a great person for not passing that on. Cats are kool!
Lizsrsly8 0
OMG! But you're a great person for not passing that on. Cats are kool!
graham11 14
143 & 149- OMG double post! That's kool!
EnchantedKitten 16
Who said she didn't have kids?
dragynfyre 4
I mean I get my critters presents too but I don't take it to that extreme...
nellienufflenew 5
That's just pathetic
tschulte0296 4
Loving your animals is NEVER pathetic... the OP took it to a bit of an extreme, that does not make it pathetic
brianjman14 23
Ummm, I'm pretty sure it does, Tschulte.
theevilduchess 12
My husband and I waited for our dog to fall asleep to put her presents under the tree. Yes, waiting until four was a bit Much... But sometimes you get a bit carried away. It can't be helped.
MrsLaferriere 0
That's really nice. (: