Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
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Top comments
d4m4s74 12
Then go to his parents. and if they don't do something about it shoot them in the nuts and run away laughing
banman12321 6
What a nutcase...
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Comments (256)
WolfAtTheDoor 7
I hope the follow-up to this is something along the lines of, "and when the police came..." I'm not going to fully blame the child on this one though. The real people to blame are that little brat's parents for "raising" such a child.
DanielleinDC 34
It's one thing to hunt for food, but I gather this kid thought it was "fun" to shoot squirrels. That he shot OP in the crotch when OP told him to knock it off is indicative that in a few years OP might read about the little ******* in the paper in connection with a crime. If you haven't already, go to the cops, OP, and file assault and battery charges against the little shit.
hillbillyboy1993 7
hey! it is fun 2 shoot squirrels!!! its just more fun 2 fry them in a skillet and eat them...
1crabbygirl 10
Yeah, that squirrel is named Hammie and has the voice of Steve Carrell. Puh-lease. And if you don't kill anything you don't plan to eat, can you kill things then that plan to eat you? Plan to eat your house? Do you refuse to eat anything you didn't kill? Doubtful.
lovelyohhmee 8
Tell his parents and if they don't do anything call the cops.
conrad2082 4
Unless he was in your yard, what business is it of yours? I mean, he shouldn't have shot you in the nuts but squirrels have been shot for years and there still seems to be quite a few. They aren't endangered or anything. Maybe you could have shown him how to use a gun properly and not point it at things unless you want to shoot it. But I am guessing you think guns are evil but people aren't.
paramor3 23
I don't condone a full on ball assault, you should talk to the parents about that....but come on...they're squirrels! Go collect them up and make a stew and quit whining! OP should have minded your own business and potentially saved your balls from attack!
simoncat 11
Paramour- you're an asshole. Animals feel pain just as much as humans do. How can you possibly say that is acceptable? Idiot.
BabyLovesBud 3
Who cares? It's a squirrel. I learned to shoot a gun by hunting squirrels and rabbits in my backyard growing up. It's not like the kid is torturing them. It's a BB gun; definitely enough power to kill a squirrel instantly. No pain, nothing. I mean, it's odd if he's doing it just because he wants to see an animal die, but otherwise, he's not doing anything wrong. Besides shooting OP in the genitals, that is.
paramor3 23
I'm sure they do feel pain, and I don't think animals should be tortured. However, call me what you will, but most animals are meant to be consumed! Although, I don't know many that would eat squirrel haha.
paramor3 23
Totally agree BabyLovesBud!!
Tones217 9
I hope you called the cops after he shot you! I know it's a BB gun but there's enough gun violence in the world without some punk kid shooting people with BB's!
scottysnuts 2
Go cry to Obama you pussy that it's an assault BB gun .. That's a future sniper
Jordanln97 9
Kick his ass
sarahadlina 14
Trying to save animals but sacrificed yourself instead. FYL. Sorry u have to suffer with such a horrible ill-mannered brat. :(