Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
d4m4s74 12
Then go to his parents. and if they don't do something about it shoot them in the nuts and run away laughing
banman12321 6
What a nutcase...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (256)
DocBastard 40
So how are you bballs?
Demonfish 14
Twice their normal size, I'd imagine...
DocBastard 40
your* Damn it.
allie2590 31
Sounds like an awkward conversation starter... lol
geko911 22
Doc are you ok? Had a little stutter there (bballs)? You need to rest a bit I would think. As for his balls, depending on the distance between OP and the kid, his pride would be hurt more than his genitals I presume.
BunchieRules 31
101 - I was under the impression that it was intentional, since that kid shot OP with a "BB" gun. I could be wrong, and I've just seen too many of my own horrible puns.
hawright 13
Did this child happen to play a clip saying "Keep the change, you filthy animal." And possibly be named Kevin McCallister?
Whytetrash 21
Also, I think if the parents let him run wild with a gun, they won't think much of your complaints.
buzzinbee222 4
So are you saying that parents that let their children be exposed to guns (a BB gun in this case) are bad parents?
BubbleGrunge 18
55 any parent who does not teach their child responsible gun ownership is a bad parent! I have two little brothers who got BB guns for Christmas, and they would NEVER shoot a defenseless animal let alone a human being. Yes, I would say the kids parents did a shitty job teaching him proper gun safety!
buzzinbee222 4
I never said they didnt do a shitty job teaching him gun safety, I was responding to the other comment that made it sound like any parents who expose their children to guns are bad parents. Obviously he wasn't being safe
MuseFan1991 14
all the more reason to go to his parents. although if they're happy to let him play with a gun i doubt you'll get far :/
X_Codes 11
The parents will care if he files a lawsuit or presses criminal charges. Depending on how old the kid is (and probably also where they live), the parents are responsible for his behavior. Also, even useless parents care about money, so you don't necessarily need to threaten to send someone to jail.
RedPillSucks 33
Unless there was a witness, this case will not go far.
geko911 22
Yet there is physical evidence...
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Reminds me that evil kid in Toy Story who tortures toys
1crabbygirl 10
Toys are just like squirrels. They don't have any feelings.
gc327072 31
But if the kid was playing with m80s like the kid in Toy Story then it's a self correcting problem-- one finger at a time.
JanisEvans 10
That's when you alert someone, like a social worker...
lmaouloser 5
You are obviously all city people. I have no urge to kill a human and yet, yes, I used to shoot squirrels with a pellet gun. And then, I'd take 'em home, I'd skin and my dad would cook. Freaked out yet?
wannabesinger 16
You aren't seeing the difference here #83. You shot the squirrels for a purpose, you took them home and they were cooked. Nothing in this FML says that this was the case with that child as well. In fact if it was the case I'm not sure why OP would have intervened.
Crazynopantsman 11
#95 That could have very well been the purpose but OP is just a nosey, mean neighbor. He also called the kid a delinquent, how is that helping the situation?
bigza 4
Take a minute out of your day and walk over to the little basterds house and blow that **** away with a paint ball gun. He will learn.
bReLiNg 18
Next time that devil is out, ambush him with rotten eggs. Then scream "FOR MOTHER EARTH!" It's not cool to kill innocent animals just for fun.
LennyComa 39
What an awful little shit that kid is
chucknorris76 3
chuck would have caught the BB with his nuts and threw it back and with bullet force speeds.