Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
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Top comments
d4m4s74 12
Then go to his parents. and if they don't do something about it shoot them in the nuts and run away laughing
banman12321 6
What a nutcase...
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Comments (256)
dabeast15 7
Sue
noelasis94 18
Next time you see him do your best tony Montana with your super soaker that'll surely scare that ass munch
Chaser1689 8
Hahaha that's awesome lol cranky ole bastard should mind his own damn business! The boy is only being a kid.
SmokeyPlague 12
i've shot squirrels its not a bad habit you deserved it don't be so ignorant
hueybuntfosho 4
Maybe you shouldn't get all butt hurt over some squirrels. You sound like a little bitch and im glad he shot you where your nuts should be.
hillbillyboy1993 7
**** you all i love squirrels its no crueller than killing that cow that made your hamburger for lunch
dieselfreak123 9
What is wrong with you people? There is nothing wrong with a kid wanting to a some fun and shoot a squirrel. They are also good eating and considered a delicacy some places.
ak_girl04 4
Lol good for the kid... Gosh greenies now days.
HeartOfLead 24
I would have went balls out and gave his parents a piece of my mind. I really hope his parents pelleted him with overwhelming punishments. If not, I'd prance on straight to the authorities and give them a mouthful. I sure hope you let them have your full furry, OP. Hey, maybe even start a neighborhood squarrel.
Phobic_fml 14
that's when you respond by calling the cops.