Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi...
mct_1087 27
You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car.
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Comments (62)
Econforthwin 15
I wonder how long the lizard was alive in your car? This fml could be, I was driving and I got attacked by a lizard.
hbs11476 9
At least it was dead.
JazNim17 18
I wanna know what kind of air freshener you use, that you never smelled dead lizard in your car. One got in my room and died once. It took me forever to find it and stunk up the whole room.
badgercheese94 16
They don't always smell. I remember a place my dad used to live, the area where the door hinges meet the wall were plastered in dead lizards and there was no smell whatsoever. It must have been something specific that made yours smell. Or it was REALLY big!
sonshadsil94 15
At least it wasn't dried poop?
LyricaSilvan 30
Why are so many people saying OP deserved it? Like you wouldn't pick something up that you thought was just a stick. If it looked like a stick to them, of course they would think it was a stick and try to throw it outside. Come on, people.
kirbs19 37
Ewww! At least your car doesn't smell right?!?!
noik01 13
Why is this a FML
R0kk0 3
made up story is made up..
xluciferx666 21
Awwww man should have brought it home and cooked it dem lizards is good eatin
sexpectations 15
He just wanted to make sure you were properly insured :(